Hellraiser - The Peak of the Pinhead

 Clive Barker set out to show people he had a strange fetish and he wasn't afraid to use it in some stranger fiction. What followed was the Hellbound Heart. The novella became quite popular, but due to Barker's mistrust of Hollywood at the time, he decided he wanted to make the movie himself. So, he collected a budget and got a camera. What followed was a passion project that would never truly be replicated. Hellraiser 2 would come close, but this was quite the little gem that was released September 10, 1987. 

Hellraiser follows a family, a father and daughter, plus a very sour and bitter stepmother. Larry, played by Andrew Robinson of Pumpkin Head Blood Wing fame (chortle), is moving into a new house that his brother used to own but disappeared in under mysterious circumstances. As the movie progresses, you'll see why this is pretty normal, as he is seen in different countries looking for different exotic pleasures. This catches the attention of Larry's second wife, Julia played by Clare Higgins. 

Julia is a special case, in that he doesn't really care much about Larry, and seems far more interest in his brother, Frank, played by Sean Chapman. Julia is constantly brushing Larry off and showing that she has far stronger feelings for Frank, even going so far as to have a close encounter with him around the time she got married to his brother! Her depravity becomes very apparent when she finds out Frank was captured, tortured by cenobites and now his very bare remains have come back to life in the basement. Thanks to an injury Larry had involving blood, now Frank is back and he needs more blood. 

Julia not only gives him blood, but she hits on guys and brings him entire bodies! She even freshly kills them for him! All the while, Kristy, played by Ashley Laurence, is growing suspicious of Julia's odd behavior as of late. It doesn't take long for her to uncover that she's led many men to their deaths and made Frank into just one layer short of having full on skin. Finding out about all of this, she takes the strange box that he seems to want to protect and she runs! 

Kristy, having passed out in the street, opens the box and we get one of the best horror movie moments in history. Only Hellbound: Hellraiser 2 was able to match it, but even then, this one is better. The lead cenobite, also known as Pinhead, is played by Doug Bradley, who would go on to play the role in over ten films and he even did it for some commercials. After she agrees to bring them Frank, the movie takes a much darker turn when it's apparent they killed Larry to give Frank his skin. 

The deaths in this film are disgusting but also very fantastically done in practical effects. In fact, the make-up artists in this movie deserve every single award they ever won. Even the cheap computer effects are legendary because it's widely known that Clive Barker did them in his home with a friend over a single weekend. That's how much passion and love was put into this film. Even the final scene where the hobo turns into a gargoyle was cheesily but very well done. 

This movie captured the hearts of millions and it was a breakout success. Sadly, though, after the first two movies, this franchise takes a gigantic dip. Will I review all of them? Probably. Just remember, don't disrespect Clive Barker and tell him any other Hellraiser is better, or he'll tear your soul apart!

Freddy vs Jason - Whoever Wins, We're Dead

 

This movie had a very, very diluted history with the words "Production Hell" ringing out throughout the entire duration of its attempted creation. The problem was, at first, that New Lines Cinema and Paramount, the owners of Freddy and Jason respectively, could not come to an agreement on the script. Well, even when New Lines finally bought Jason from Paramount, this was still a problem. Even when they owned both of the toys, they wouldn't let the little kid make them do battle! 

It was messy, especially when New Nightmare (which will be reviewed in due course) and Jason X made this movie delay and delay and delay. Well, finally, after all of the posturing with Freddy's claws at the end of Jason Goes to Hell and then the super charged energy of the fans when it was finally announced, in 2003, we finally got our battle. 

Was it worth it? Yes. Was it perfect? No. It did, however, get the story right. We get Freddy himself, Robert Englund telling us how he was such a terrible scourge on the Earth until he was forgotten. So he employs and ressurects Jason, somehow turning into his mother and getting him ramped up as she tells him to kill the naughty children at Crystal Lake. How they actually got the two of them as a duo of sorts, one in the real world while Freddy gained power in the dream world through Jason's kills and people panicking, it was all very well crafted. 

What wasn't so well crafted was some of the execution. Some of it. Jason's first kill in the movie is just as aggressive and horrifying as it needed to be. Stabbing a guy through, all the way through his bed cushion, SEVERAL TIMES, and then lifting both sides of the mattress, breaking him in half! This was a monumental return to form for Jason. With the humorous entrance of the police officer, the scene ends gloriously. This, however, is when the movie kind of takes liberties with both Jason's random kills and Freddy taking advantage of even the slightest mention of his name. 

It doesn't get too far fetched, but the story takes shortcuts. Some of them needed, others not so much. The good news, though, is that we don't outright HATE all of the characters. Their acting isn't really terrible, but it isn't great either. Jason Ritter is probably the real standout when it comes to acting. The leading lady, Monica Keena, however, doesn't have the same charm. None of them really do, but it's not offputting, it's horror acting. If you're in it for the Shakespearian ensemble, you're in the wrong genre. 

Still, after some poised storytelling through choppy means of getting Jason into the dreamworld, we finally get our first bout. That's right, there are multiple times that the two collide, which is a massive point in the movie's favor. This is what we came here for and Ronny Yu understood that to a T. What he didn't understand is that Kane Hodder should have been Jason, not Jason's stunt man for that one other movie, Ken Kerzinger. He didn't do a bad looking Jason, but Kane was built up for this one movie and then Englund was out. That was one major flaw this movie just could not cover up. 

The fight, however, is awesome! The first one taking part in a dream meant that Freddy had full advantage, though, so it wasn't really what one would call this movie's real highlight. They still have fun with it and Freddy gets his chucks in, you know, before one of the children pulls him into the real world. And in a burning building at Camp Crystal Lake, the second and final bout takes place! This one is the real kicker because Freddy gets knocked around hardcore! 

Krueger does get his hits in, though, and not just with his claws. He uses air tanks as torpedoes that smash into Jason, he uses Jason's machete against him, but he's also coming apart as the seams as the fight goes on. The blood, the gore, and the killing of the teenagers in between fighting just makes this a very fun ride. The real problem here is when the teenagers interfere with the battle and Keena... she is not a good actress and that really hurts these scenes. She can't scream talk effectively and she comes off as annoying rather than properly dramatic. 

Credit where it's due, though, the fire blast of gasoline that blows both Freddy and Jason across the lake was fantastic! The final scenes of the fight are just no-holds-barred and both of them are in serious dire straights, as they've both taken some serious damage. The fight ends, spoiler to no one's surprise, in more of a draw than anything. You know you have a draw when you have fans of both properties at war with who actually won. That's the staple of Ronny Yu's success, both financially and doing right by the fans. If you're a fan of both these powerhouses, this movie is for you. It marries the two properties together with style and grace and we thank them for it. Bloody Good!

Hellraiser (2022) - New Pins in the Head

Well, here we are, in an age where every single franchise is up for grabs and all of the popular intellectual properties are being used for identity politics and virtue signaling. So many famous brands are being used for people's political agendas and all we can do is not watch them. So, while we're waiting for them to come to their senses, we have an unexpected diamond in the rough. Little did we know that Clive Barker's master work has been given a new coat of paint after ten movies. 

Hellraiser has been one of those movie franchises that has a particular crowd watching it. These are the horror fanatics that don't mind a bit of gore, so long as the gore is being used to tell a good story. The Hellbound Heart was a very good story, a novella, if you will. It showed a different world that we grew attached to and we have been seriously lacking these past thirty years. 

After so many half assed sequels and cheap scripts being forced into Hellraiser lore when they didn't belong, we finally get a reboot that is actually warranted! Yes, an IP that could actually use some revamping. While Spawn is still in the mix, let's enjoy some blood, shall we?

First of all, we get what we came for. True to the Hellraiser brand, there is plenty of blood and gore. Now, how does it hold up alongside other Hellraiser gore? Pretty damn well, I'm going to admit. The flesh tearing and the pain is quote the spectacle and very well crafted in its kills. There's chains, wires, knify things and lot's of tendons. There are some very uncomfortable moments with needles and air passages and wow, they really put their minds to this, like they should have. 

Next, the cenobites! Yes, they have a colorful array of cenobites and they come out in full force. The only two that we see return are the lead cenobite which Doug Bradley played so long ago, and Chatterteeth. Now played by Jamie Clayton, the often nicknamed "Pinhead" makes a triumphant return. Chatterteeth, on the other hand, did not make such an impression, but it was nice seeing him again. Beyond those two, we get some pretty imaginative imagery through all of the others. It's really nice to see what they were able to do with both practical and digital effects. They look very well made and unique. Some of them I kind of wish we got a better look at but they did very well otherwise. 

The story is an area where a lot of the Hellraiser sequels were lacking, and this movie does away with all pretenses. In fact, it changes it up just enough to keep us interested, while also keeping in enough lore to warrant fan nostalgia. This time, they pander to the audience in a good way and a way that doesn't insult their intelligence. What a twist! Instead of the normal "they open the box and get put in Jacob's ladder" trope we saw through so many iterations, this time, it's more complicated. 

Now the Lament configuration stabs the user in the hand and that marks them as a sacrifice. After six go down, the the Leviathan configuration brings the Cenobite's god from hell to grant you one wish. It's a twist on the story that actually works quite well. Not only do we get to see the cenobites quite often, but it brings up the body count while working toward a goal. It actually plays very well as a Hellraiser story. 

After so many Jacob's Ladder plots and movies shoehorning Doug Bradley into nonsensical plots, this one is a serious breath of fresh air. This is one that actually plays with the lore and brings us something we can sink our teeth into. Rather than dumping a puzzle box into whatever they wanted and calling it a day, we get a movie with actual characters with goals and understandable struggles. Those struggles just so happen to involve chains with hooks and spikes and that's what we wanted!

The characters are probably the part where this falls a little short, but there's nothing new there. Riley is understandable as a character, but she's not especially endearing as she mostly just wants to get her brother back. That's about it. Beyond that, she does want to do the right thing but is so bad at it that it becomes a little comical. We get the other array of characters and they are there, but there's not much else to them other than they want money, they want love and they want pleasure but they only get pain. Pretty normal as Hellraiser goes, and you know what? I'm okay with that. They fill the need and fulfill their purpose for bringing us entertainment, so let's trudge on.

To address the elephant in the room, yes, they get a woman to play the Hell Priest and no, that is not a problem. In fact, it is by the original book. One of the cenobites was described as having female features along with male features and thus being seen as sexless. This is the first time we see the reimagining of this character to resemble their novella counterpart. Well played. It works very well and Jamie Clayton does a damn good job of having otherworldly movements and expressions as she causes blood and chains to happen. She has a few callback lines, but not nearly as many as she could have. They didn't only have the nostalgia baiting to entice you, they have dialogue you can enjoy and get behind. 

That's one thing that really shined for this movie. The fact that it did not rely on its former titles for its imagery, dialogue, characters or anything like that. It took what it needed from the other titles and then went off on its own. It is its own movie and it has its own identity. This is something that is severely lacking in movies of this era. I need to give this movie props. 

Is it perfect? No, it has its down points in the plot and the parts with the "friends" just screaming and complaining at each other does get old. It has its meandering moments that you just want to get over with so you can get to the killing. Spoiler alert, it gets to the killing and everything is fine. 

We finally have a Hellraiser iteration to call a part of our horror genre. The body horror is very real with very unique cenobites and the visual effects are a beautiful mix of CGI and practical effects. You don't care what happens to the humans because they're annoyances as well as characters, but that's to be expected when the end goal is to get our Hellraiser fix. The changes that are made are welcome and it doesn't spoon feed you membaberries as a lazy attempt to squeeze feelings out of you. If you are a Hellraiser fan or a horror fan wanting to get into Hellraiser, here you go. Get this movie and turn down the lights.

Weapons (2025) - Pass the Blame and the Blood

 

Just when you thought all horror was lost and we'd never see the night of darkness again, there comes this little low budget gem. Weapons is a bit of a strange tale about a smallish town that has a very mysterious happening. All of the children ran out of their houses one morning night at 2:17 am, leaving everyone in the town to wonder why. Obviously, the parents all panic, thinking that they have just lost their children for good. Police are baffled and the pressure is on to find answers. 

Starting with the struggles of Julia Garner's Justine character, as the teacher of all 17 missing children, is suspected to be behind this horrible happening. You see how she copes with the situation, which is by the skin of the tooth, and how she is trying very hard to investigate the disappearance while also dodging her boss, played by Benedict Wong, and the police to do so. 

What this movie pulls off from the very start is the angst and the dark, mysterious atmosphere as the parents suffer, namely Josh Brolin's character, Archer, who lost his son, Matthew. You see his struggles and how he does not handle it well at all in some cases, but then as the mystery unfolds, you see his wits start to come into play and you see he is far more resourceful than he looked. As an architect, he is able to measure distance, radius and he is able to decipher the direction the children were running from the camera footage capturing it.  

Even the crackhead character is played very well by Austin Abrams, and I hope to have a good review of his upcoming Resident Evil movie (but I hold out no hope). You see the lies he tells to score a hit and then you see that he is also just trying to do the right thing while also scoring a lot of drugs in the process. He has some very strange exploits with Justine's ex, the roughed up cop played by Alden Ehrenreich, who is showing acting chops far beyond his debut as Han Solo in that disaster Solo Movie. The two of them seriously rough each other up, especially when the crackhead's needles seem to find a way to connect to the questionably moraled police officer. 

The biggest shoutout needs to go to the actress who played Gladys, who was absolutely unrecognizable because she threw herself into this role like none other. She does not look like a natural being. She looks like if the red woman from Fire Walk With Me tried to dress as Pennywise. She does not look like a human being, she looks like something trying to look like a human being. Amy Madigan pulled off an absolutely unsettling performance and she is easily the most recognizable character in the entire movie.

The sequences of horror are what really bring this movie to the green spotlight. It is so refreshing to see a proper build up with a proper payoff that you probably did not see coming. It was obvious from the start that this was going to be supernatural, but how it pulled it off was very surprising. The villain of this film is very apparent, but her methods are shocking and she lacks any sort of moral compass throughout the entire runtime. The killings are brutal, gruesome and they are very loud. The more this plot unfolds, the more horrible the implecations. There are lines that this movie thankfully does not show, but they are unfortunately quite impending. 

The final nail that drives this movie home is the theme that it sprinkles throughout the entire movie. The title "weapons" had some strange depictions, but then the undertones of weaponizing our guilt and grief through terrible situations is very apparent. How the parent and the teacher both set upon the task of finding and saving those children is both endearing while also remaining deeply troubling. The lengths they go to in order to find those children can go borderline to downright insane. How she stalks the final child who did not disappear is the same exact notion. It's understandable why she did it, but how it troubles the child is also palpable! 

This movie takes the mystery elements of a horror and slams them in your face in the most glorious way. The portrayals are amazing by a very solid cast, the directing is obviously high in creativity and concept while keeping you very engaged. Zach Cregger will also be directing the aforementioned Resident Evil film, and if this movie is any indication, it could be the first actual awesome movie in the entire franchise. No, the first film did not age well and no, W.S. Anderson is not a good director. Knife Fight Me!