Lynchian Studies: The Black Lodge - Why is Bob?

 

WARNING: As per usual, MAJOR MAJOR SPOILERS!!! 

The Black Lodge has always been one of the most mysterious elements of Twin Peaks, and for good reason. If you'll look at the place itself and how it is presented in the show, you can see that it is part of the dream realm, but also the very real realm of the show itself. There are obviously actual explanations for this place and why it fits into the show, but for some reason, even then, there are elements we still do not fully understand about it. 

Season 3 shed a bit more light on the subject as a whole, even going so far as to show us the Fire Man (AKA the Giant) in his own place of residence within the realm of the Black Lodge. The point still remains, whether it be the Black Lodge, the White Lodge or the Waiting Room, it has its own selection of characters from reality, both living and dead. 

The first time we see the Black Lodge, for some reason, Dale Cooper has aged 25 years and is sitting in the Waiting Room with both the Man from the Other Place (AKA the Arm) and a recently deceased Laura Palmer. This is a dream very early in the show and it is the first time we are truly shown that there are forces at work in this world that we do not understand. 

We'll stop right here for now and look at this scene for its own face value. Forget everything you know, wipe the slate clean. Act like you know nothing about the Black Lodge, its inhabitance or what the show actually means outside of its own realm. If we skip the metaphor that the Black Lodge represents, this is something of a selective group, is it not? We see that it is both a fear and a goal that Dale Cooper strives to both find and understand, while also trying to figure out how to ward off other dangers.

The Black Lodge has the White Lodge, which is supposedly the good side of the Lodge, but that's untrue. It's actually the exact same place, it just plays by different rules, seemingly. As stated, the rules in this realm are questionable, as they seem ever changing throughout the entire series. It's almost as if it changes as its needs are more suitably implemented. Gee golly!

What is known about this place is that it is the residence of the Arm, and he is a small man that seems to control it as he needs. Bob also lives in this room and the third has been Michael, who seems to have had far more dealings with the two of them than he first tells them when he is awakened into the investigation. They are the three main parts of the Black Lodge as we know it, and they seem to be pulling the strings of all of the horrible things that happen throughout Twin Peaks as a whole. 

Laura Palmer, ever since her death and even before her death, she was a part of the Black Lodge. Even Dale Cooper was a part of it before the series actually started, even though he was not in on the investigation at the time. It was theorized that he was waiting there for his Clone even before his clone was made and only went to the reality world to find Laura Palmer's killer, only to return and allow his clone to escape, but again, we're getting ahead of ourselves. 

If you haven't noticed, there are several elements in this world that are just befuddling to the brain. The fact that all of them talk backwards, except for Dale Cooper, is also quite strange. They all talk this strange form of backwards/forward English, but not Dale. Even Wendom Earl speaks this strange way when he finally faces Cooper down. 

The question I am truly posing here is, why are these the people in the Lodge? Are they truly just sitting there and sending Bob to thwart Dale's efforts? If this is true, then why give him the chance to foil it? The game seems to be stacked against Dale Cooper, up until the Giant gets involved and starts to give him help. 

The Giant has been one of the most mysterious elements. He has been seen as a friend to the Arm, though he also seems to be his exact opposite. He is the giant good man while Cooper faces off against the bad small man. If you want it in easier terms than that, then I really can't help you. It does seem to be a rule that they can NEVER get directly involved under any circumstances. Even if the game is not going their way, they are forbidden to do anything other than edge their forces in a certain direction. 

So, while the Arm sends Bob to do his bidding, the Giant saves Dale Cooper from death by telling him to slow himself down and think clearly. He even stops the investigation because he knows not all of the elements are in play. Once all of the pieces are on the Chess Board, that's when he appears on a stage and tells Cooper "It's time." 

We can draw many conclusions from these elements. While none of the people in the Black Lodge, who live there, can move the Chess pieces, they most certainly can influence the game. The White and Black Lodge can also be so simple as to say they are two sides of the Chess Board with different colored armor while playing in the Red Room as the board. It can be so simple as that and we wouldn't even know it. 

Call this a theory, if you will. Yes, of course, there is one theory that is seen as correct, but it is also the theory that deconstructs and destroys Twin Peaks as a concept. That's the reason why many have strived to gain information any way else while combatting and flat out denying this metaphorical theme. The beauty of this concept is that David Lynch left many elements of it still very much up for interpretation. Not all elements of this have been explored, nor should a lot of them be. Who wants a definitive answer when all you really need to do is go out and give me my Garmanbozia. Now, go get it for me and bring me some coffee while you're at it. There is work to be done.

Writing Lynchian Suspense - How to Capture the Blue Rose

 One of the things that brought me to this place... this catacomb, is the thought of a story. Emulation of one's style is a very pure form of fandom that so few really bring reverence to for some reason. This is especially strange, considering there are continuations of stories that are said to be far more satisfying than the concluding book or even the movie adaptation/sequels. Yet, there has always been the stipulation that fans will never write as well as the creator (in this case, that's very true for Twin Peaks, no, you're not special) but many fans have something to bring to the table. Twin Peaks is a very unique story in so many ways, but it is especially unique for a fandom that wishes to dive into its mystique in order to create their own.

This concept is so popular, it can hardly be considered fanfiction anymore. Twin Peaks has elevated to the point where it's basically a subgenre of mystery. J.J. Abrams, as terrible a writer as he is, was able to create the smoke and mirrors in a tantalizing way that people loved to look at and try to figure out. He simply lacked the talent and writing skills to put anything interesting behind it. David Fincher was far more successful at the concept of Lynchian mysteries and did a very good job in both the set up and execution of his stories. Stanley Kubrick can be seen as a parallel to Lynch himself and the two viewed one another as something of creative equals, which is flattering on both sides of the spectrum. The concept can be done and executed very well, even if you are just a storyteller, novelist or even something of a long-winded poet. This can be done and you are robbing the world of your voice if you decide never to attempt it. Just breathe, and allow yourself to believe that you can.

The Agent

This is the investigator. They are the audience and they are the curious type for one reason or another. They do not need to actually be an agent or a police officer who was put on the case. They do need to have the motivation to look into what happened, though. They need to face the perils of discovery while also dodging the obstacles that stand in front of them. If they are a stranger of no merit, they will be seen as an outsider and sometimes they will be unwelcome. If they have no authority, the authority will more than likely try to prevent their involvement. If they are not from the place, then many will consider it none of their business. 

This story needs to make it their business and we need to believe that they have the will and the way to do it. Does this mean that they need to crack some skulls in the process? Very possibly, yes, and it might help if they had a gun, but that's neither here nor there at this stage. What is revealed to them is what is revealed to us and the story needs to be restricted in its point of view to them and only them. We know their thoughts and we know what they are looking at from their eyes. We should not know what people are thinking because they can't read minds and we don't know if someone is actually watching them until they make the discovery. Changing any concept with this point of view needs to either have a good explanation or it had better not happen!

The Place

This is not a place that is just thrown into the mix of the main character. Twin Peaks is the name of the show for a reason and that is because it is the place that is full of secrets. In the show, Laura Palmer's death reveals so many of those secrets. Where would you begin? Why is it there and who are the ones who populate this place? They cannot just be there because that's the first person you thought of, they need to be there to fulfill a purpose, both for your character and for the event that occurred. 

While this concept is not difficult, it will take the longest to bring into perspective for several reasons. Your place needs to have been there since FAR before your story began and everything that is going to take place needs to have built up on some level within it. There needs to be a reason why it occurred and it needs to have the proper effects on the people within it. If there is a mystery around the event, why is it a mystery and why do the people not want you to solve it?

It is good to create the place's landmarks. Even if it's a tiny town, they usually have a locally well-known gas station or even a small strip mall where the people congregate to some degree. For a mystery, these one-horse towns are very popular and offer a much more intimate cast of characters. It's especially popular because a death in this sort of town is far more devastating than a shootout in Detroit or Las Angeles. The smaller the town, the easier it is to navigate and flesh out.

The People

These are not just the characters that fell from the sky, nor did they appear as soon as your character darkened their doorstep. These are people with motives and plenty of self preservation that exceeds the need to feed themselves. They aren't angry all the time or nice all the time, as much as it may seem like it to some people. They have secrets that have not yet been revealed and it is up to you to come up with what is revealed and at what time. What connection did they have with the event? How were they involved and would they hide their involvement? Why?

Some of them will take it upon themselves to investigate as well. This can either hinder your character or your character can use them to help, but that doesn't always work out in their favor. What did these people do to make the event happen and how much do they truly know? These are all things you must consider and more, just remember that the air of mystery needs to be thick while also not over-bearing or suffocating. Your character also needs to breathe.

The Event

This is the catalyst. This event happened, whether you depicted the event in some way or only depicted the aftermath, this needs to be what begins to bring things into the open. Everyone is a suspect and everyone knows something, whether they realize it or not. It is up to your character to get to the bottom of this, whether they be a relative, friend, authority figure or a stranger who came at the right/wrong time. Somehow, it falls upon them to reach a conclusion that is both satisfying in a story sense and in a character sense on some level.

The event does not need to be a murder, nor does it need to be overtly terrible, but it does need to be mysterious and/or strange in some way. There can be a dead body, yes, but why are his guts missing and why did they surgically replace them with a birdhouse? There needs to be deeper meaning, of course, and you need to know what happened with a full explanation from the start. You need to reveal as little to the audience as possible while also making it interesting. Did I say this would be easy? No, never once have I mentioned this being a menial or minimal effort task. Writing a good story is hard enough but adding in the layers this requires should be a labor of love or you're going to start straining your brain muscles. How you describe the initial event can either make or break your story with one single word or even a single letter.

The Mystery

How easily this event is uncovered depends on how long your story is going to be. Mystery stories tend to take longer, due to the setup, buildup and payoff of the concept that is an actual mystery. What makes this sort of mystery unique is that one solid rule is that it MUST NOT follow the Murder, She Wrote formula of single-day investigations or shallow "ahah!" plot points. This should not be one where you find the murder weapon, a fingerprint and the killer flees as he is caught by the meddling fools and their dog. That trope is tired and shagged out at this point. 

"Lynchian" mysteries, as they are referred to, tend to have some small supernatural element to them at the very least. How small or large this element is will be up to you but always remember that these spices along with the mystery and the characters need to work with each other. Too much of an opposition or too much of a smooth ride will either frazzle or bore your audience to death and we're already working with one potential body.    

The Lodge

The others, the other place, the world up-side-down, whatever you call this, it needs to either be thought to the last detail or it does not need to be there at all. This is going into the nether layer of the story that adds a brand new spin to the concept of a mystery. This is the event personified in a place and if you can't imagine that, then it's best if you do not make the attempt. This place exists in your world, whether you depict it or not and it needs to know that beforehand. The things or people that populate this place need to have far deeper meaning than just "Oh, it's the place where the director is sitting and the writer is judging his own characters while pulling the puppet strings". 

The Lodge is a place where your character reverts to their simplest form, like a toddler in wonder or a brain's cerebral cortex as a raw nerve. Do not slap false symbolism here, you will bore everyone. This place needs to reveal something to your character that they cannot find otherwise. A good reason to have this place is if the mystery goes that deep and far beyond the investigator's comprehension. The subtleties you take with this, like the event itself, will make and/or break your story as a whole. 

If one of the rooms is a black and white flick show of a hippo underwater who looks at your character saying, "There is another", then I might think you're on the... right track? Seriously, just steer clear if you don't get it.

The Reveal

Do you reveal it? That's the first question you need to ask yourself. Lynch never intended to reveal the killer until the series actually ended. Was your event meant to have the veil pulled off of it, or was there supposed to be another veil draped over it at the last second to reveal a new mystery behind it? If you need to keep your mystery going, give your audience something. This can be the first accomplice, the first catalyst to the event, or the event completely revealed, only to show that there is a crater in the ground and the rabbit hole goes ever deeper. 

Whatever the case may be, make sure your story is still in tact before you venture onward with it. Your audience is there with you, but if you betray them or lie to them, or even unveil the event to be a rubber duck with fangs, then there are no guarantees they'll be staying on board. Story is a fickle thing, and this is even moreso. 

As you've probably realized, all of these concepts are malleable to an extent. The "Agent" can have far more involvement in the story and not reveal what all they know to the audience right away, merely hinting at it. The people can be nothing more than clueless onlookers who had their memory wiped and that can be a concept all on its own with its own pitfalls and revelations. Everything here is up for grabs, so long as you know how to handle the concept and don't do the idiotic choice of simply giving your character amnesia from the word "go". While this concept can work, it is obviously better to find ways around it. If you're confident and you know your way around words, then the question remains of why you are still reading this and not writing? One big rule is, the longer you spend not writing is the longer you spend not writing is the longer you spend not writing is the longer you spend not writing is the longer you spend not writing is....

Pumpkinhead 2: Blood Wings - It Sucks Pumpkins

 

While the first Pumpkinhead has been hailed as a classic for a number of reasons, the same cannot be said about the sequel. It is very sad to see such great movies trip at the starting line. Even Hellraiser at least had one good sequel to its name. Pumpkinhead thinks that telling a scary story is showing random horrific things happen, making it vaguely revenge plot-ish. Then, when the audience is climbing the walls with boredom, just exposition dump the entire mystery to the main characters and have a final, pitiful climactic scene. That's this movie in a nutshell. 

What pains the brain is that Andrew Robinson decided to play the father in this movie, rather than returning for Hellraiser II: Hellborne. He still gives a decent performance, but you can tell the director has no idea what he's doing. The so-called "acting" in this movie is just painful to watch. The blood and violence effects were made practically, but also very, very poorly. This is immediately apparent in the very first scene, where we see the.... WOW I cannot believe I'm saying this, but the child of Pumpkinhead, the human hybrid child of Pumpkinhead. His mother, who I would assume has gone through miles of therapy by this point, feeds him some... stuff. I don't know what it is. It's all in black and white and could either be patties of meat or just straight up dung. 

So, the plot thickens when some jocks come out of nowhere and kill him. Yeah, guess he was just sitting around and eating a little too casually for their liking. So they pull out pocket knives and stab him to death in front of his mother, who feels his pain for absolutely no reason. Well, it's because Lance Hendrickson could feel Pumpkinhead's pain in the first movie and they wanted it to connect somehow. Just go with it, bro. 

Cut to years later, and we're following a family that we don't like and can't act. The daughter, Jenny, hangs out with some of the STUPIDEST human beings on God's green Earth, and as stated before, Robinson is trying his best as the father, but what are you going to do? Seriously, they just thought it'd be a great idea to check out this old house and hit this old lady with a car after driving at night without headlights. And just a few scenes before this, her father tells Jenny she may not want to hang out with these kids. And of course, they beat the hell out of the old lady after she... has a miraculous recovery from being hit? Oh, who cares. 

Then they raise Pumpkinhead, because of course they do. They burn down the woman's house. Seriously, whoever wrote this garbage needs to have their license taken away, if a writing license were a thing. Now, Pumpkinhead is coming out to kill them and they really deserve it, so who cares? The murders are lame, I mean, they're not as bad as the acting but they're horrid. The first victim was one of the morons who killed him at the beginning of the movie and he pulled out a shotgun, only to walk toward him with it. 

Every single time Pumpkinhead is on screen, for some reason, the movie throws an eyepiercing strobe light into your face. It adds nothing other than the danger of those who have epilepsy. Now, there is one great thing about these murders. They just so happened to be the horror legends, Kane Hodder and R.A. Mihailoff, or Jason Vorhees in multiple Friday the 13th and Leatherface from Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3. That doesn't make the movie any better, but it's a nice little factoid. 

Throughout the film, the Sheriff has been investigating, unable to put everything together. Seriously, these scenes go on for an eternity. All of this comes to a head when the old lady decides to die... then come back to life and tell them literally everything, including where to go. They find out that it's killing the ones who killed her son, then it's going after the kids who ran her over. Seriously, no one could put any of this together from the evidence?! This entire movie runs on idiocy! 

Obviously, when I say the stupidest people on this Earth, that only becomes compounded as Jenny's "friends" become more and more paranoid about the sudden murders going on. This comes to a head when they go and check the corpse to see that it did, indeed, rise from the grave. So their group's "leader", Danny, pulls a gun on them and holds them for... literally no reason. They threaten to go to the police, but by this point, people are literally being murdered and this is just a new level of stupid. Even when all of them say to hell with it and run, Danny's running after them with the gun still pointed at them. There is a literal monster coming toward them and it takes him forever to finally shoot the monster. Not that it does anything. It's already killed all of his friends by this point. 

Once the moron, Danny, gets his head ripped off, Jenny is mortified and Pumpkinhead turns onto her. Earlier in the film, they allude to a child saving Pumpkinhead's *wretch* son when he was a boy. This stops him long enough for the Sheriff's posse to shoot him to death, now that guns actually work on him. Yeah, then you can see the strings as his arms flap like... uh... wings I guess. 

That was Blood Wings and it is quite uniquely terrible. There is a scene where two old ladies ask the Sheriff what's going on and... yeah the scene was bad and it didn't need to be in the movie. The director just needed to show that the public is scared.... oh no. There are better ways to do this but this film is not worried about such things as... "quality". If you like bad horror movies, this is a must-see. If you're a fan of the first film, I'm sorry that you've probably already seen this. Just don't be expecting the catacombs to venture any further into this series. There's already and entire line of Hellraiser sequels that the evil of the core has demanded we go. The Bloodpool rises with such filth!

Stephen King's IT (1990) - It is not a Clown, It is Fear

 One thing that will become a normal thing here in the never-ending catacombs, once it becomes a normal thing, is that we love Stephen King. We don't love all of Stephen King's books, nor all of his stories, but he has a fair run of greatness. IT is the cream of the crop as horror goes. Yes, the book has many flaws: It's way too long, there are many details we didn't need and the way the kids escape the sewers the first time... Yeah, there were problems with it. It did, however, bring you into a world of nothing but that world. The story of the kids, how they dealt with the clown when they saw him in his various forms, and how they dealt with their terrible parents (for the most part). RED BALLOON SPOILERS 

Today, we said goodbye to Pennywise himself. Tim Curry sadly passed away. The man was a treasure and a marvel of the cinema and he will be forever missed. It was sad how he had to spend his latter years, but he made his mark in entertainment. This movie is said to be his greatest performance. The way he brought the clown to life, how he laughed, how he put on an evil face, all of it just screamed into children's nightmares all across the globe. This man scared an entire generation from clowns. IT is still hated throughout the professional world of clowns, because it very much caused their uncanny qualities to become nightmare inducing. The fear of clowns is now very common.

What sets this movie apart from other classics, is that it is not even a movie. It's a two part miniseries made for cable television. This gave it some breathing room in terms of length and how much it could fit from book to screen. This worked in its favor, because it incorporated many scenes that translated very, very well. The actors are another plus in this film's favor, as Richard Thomas, John Ritter, Harry Anderson, Annette O'Toole, Dennis Christopher, the list goes on. They all do very well, even if a few scenes weren't so well pulled off, like some of O'Toole's crying scenes. 

The children, though, like Seth Green and Jonathon Brandis, really gave amazing performances as the leading kids. None of them really give anything terrible, especially when it comes to being scared. The way they react to the horrific images they come across really brings out the situations in a grim light. The clown takes on the forms of whatever they fear, and it can alter reality in very strange ways. 

IT is not actually a clown, as you can surmise, but it is an ancient entity that feeds on children's fear as well as their meat. The kids all saw the film I was a Teenage Werewolf, and so it took the form of a werewolf for Richie Tozier. Obviously, a lot of these scenes happen out of sequence with the book. It was a 3 hour movie, that's not going to cover 1148 pages hardback. The movie was a bit lower budget, so they had to stick with the clown for most of it. Although, there are some great scares with other means, like Beverly Marsh trying to visit her father, only to find out he's already dead and the realization of what's happening just comes in such sharp scares. 

The way Pennywise screws with all of them throughout the film really shows how menacing he can be. The way he scares them and tries to get them alone is diabolical, especially when they're confronting him in the sewers. Would I liked to have seen the house of Niebolt Street? Yes, but this film was limited on its locations, and the sewers they had were very, very atmospheric the deeper they went into them. That scene when he tries to take Stan, but Eddie intervenes was actually very well done. The makeup effects in this movie cannot be understated. Even the stop-motion effects pulled it off because the way he moved into the pipe was so unsettling. Sure, it was cheap, and I love it. 

It was made for television, so there couldn't be any real expensive blood or hard cursing. It was still terrifying. The effects when Georgie winks at Bill through the picture or how the balloon appears and moves around, all of it was gum and glue effects with very, VERY little in the ways of real special effects. Practical effects, when pulled off, can really heighten a movie. This movie can boast... most of the practical effects mastery. 

Among its many flaws, this property can never seem to EVER get the spider right. Even Stephen King is disappointed with how he wrote the spider in the book. That was one of the bigger poblems with it. After a while, you need to throw off the tarp and we need to see what it is. It's not always the case, but King did his best because he wanted to really give it that cerebral feel. The 1990 miniseries gave us a clunky, misshapen, stop-motion monstrocity. The original creation they had could not get the physics down, and it wouldn't function. They had to remake it and even the director, Tommy Lee Wallace, would admit that he really did not like how that turned out. 

If you listen to the audio commentary, like this nerd, you can hear a lot of very good stories from both the cast and the director. They apparently had a lot of fun in its creation, even if it was ridiculously hectic. The kids got into some trouble, and Tim Curry kind of did his own thing because he wasn't especially proud of his part in the film. Despite his apparent talent and greatness, he really didn't think he was doing very well with this film and he distanced himself from the rest. Later, even he admitted that he did not like the spider because it was "unconvincing and not very scary." 

Tim Curry's death gave me the excuse to gush about this old childhood favorite. Even when it is 3 hours long, I still watch it on numerous occasions. This is a miniseries that is going deep into the catacombs, with all of the greats. All of the greats shall be put in the catacombs, and so will the duds. The duds have another part, though, and that is not where IT will be going. IT Chapter 2 from 2019, however...

The Ring - Turn off the Tape!

 

It is hard to make a movie that nails two genres so well. Horror and mystery are no exception to this rule. So many have tried to blend together horrific images along with a beautifully crafted head-scratcher and have come out with their face in the dirt. The Grudge and several other ripoff movies just like The Ring came out around this time, but none of them were able to capture the magic. Several of them were slop that didn't deserve to be made. This movie had some advertising, but it wasn't something that really stormed the box office until people started having some word of mouth. This movie became a cult classic all its own and somehow, they were never able to recapture the lightning in the proverbial bottle. 

It is a curious case of the remake being better than the original.  The Ring just so happened to capture the atmosphere of the genre without straying too far from the story of Ringu. The characters and the plot are very captivating, but it also has the most unsettling vibe throughout the entire movie. It's always like something is wrong but you just can't put your finger on it. The clock is always ticking and even when the little girl with the hair is not seen, she is felt. The more the mystery unravels, the more interesting the story becomes. It's just plain fun to watch. 

From the very start, the atmosphere becomes tense. It is not even scary, aside from the first girl telling her friend that she watched a video tape. It was a video tape that was infamous for killing the one who watched it in seven days. At first, it's just a joke and they didn't believe it. Then the phone rings and things start to get a little serious when it starts to become a little too real. The scare that comes is so sudden and is a "blink and you miss it" sort of affair. It is jarring but a perfect prologue to the movie. 

The girl's death becomes the leaping point for the plot as a woman named Rachel Keller, played by Naomi Watts, starts to investigate everything having to do with it. At her wake, we learn a little more about the tape she watched. We mainly learn where she watched the tape and that's where the movie really takes a dark turn. Our main lady watches the VHS tape for herself and this is a main part where the remake truly overshadows the original. The tape is a nightmare realm of surrealistic bliss. The special effects seem flawlessly standard definition and even gives clues as to what happened to make it.

The dead horses on the beach, the combing of hair, the ladder and the well, each of these clues are seen throughout the film. The story behind the video is absolutely heartbreaking. The closer she gets to the truth, the more disturbing the subject material becomes. We learn this story through newspapers, a disgruntled father and interviews with the girl who never sleeps. The way we find out she never sleeps is just blood curdling. In a surveillance tape, all through the night, one fastforward button shows her sitting around and swaying for hours. Samara Morgan, played by Daveigh Chase, is like a blank slate... soulless and heartless.

Once we get to the final act of the film, we're always worried about our main lady. Not only has she watched the tape, but so has her ex-boyfriend, Noah, played by Martin Henderson and her son, Aidan, played by David Dorfman. The stakes become higher as the movie goes on and the time clock to her seven days grows shorter and shorter. As she uncovers clues about the murders and the video tape, we think she has done what she needs to to break the curse. Well, if you know what the ending of this film is like, you know it's far more complicated than that. 

This movie is not perfect, obviously. Some elements just flatout do not make sense. People say weird things to make the movie seem more and more cursed, but out of context, it's just awkward dialogue. The plot with the son gets a little annoying, though it does have a very good payoff. It's just a shame that Dorfman didn't really have any real emotions. His character is a strangely mature child who can tie his own tie and even babysit his babysitter. The strangest part is Samara's father, played by the great Brian Cox, just outright killing himself for no discernable reason. Like, if he was just going to kill himself, why did he bother living all the way up to the point where Rachel comes to visit him? 

As a horror suspense goes, this is one of the best. It is dark and unnerving without being outright depressing or overly stimulating to the brain. It makes you think and even gives you that beautiful horror vibe we all crave when getting into the psychological stuff. Naomi Watts is a ridiculously talented actress and she was absolutely perfect for the role. Some of the clues never get answered, but none of those are especially important. The nose bleed is weird, but why was it a thing? Either way, the mysterious nature surrounding Samara and the video tape is captivating and will have you begging for more. Then you find out that "more" means The Ring Two and all the sudden, oh we have other things to do. We need to go rewatch another movie and get as far away from reviewing that---no no! STOP! I'm not reviewing that stupid----

Hellraiser - The Peak of the Pinhead

 Clive Barker set out to show people he had a strange fetish and he wasn't afraid to use it in some stranger fiction. What followed was the Hellbound Heart. The novella became quite popular, but due to Barker's mistrust of Hollywood at the time, he decided he wanted to make the movie himself. So, he collected a budget and got a camera. What followed was a passion project that would never truly be replicated. Hellraiser 2 would come close, but this was quite the little gem that was released September 10, 1987. 

Hellraiser follows a family, a father and daughter, plus a very sour and bitter stepmother. Larry, played by Andrew Robinson of Pumpkin Head Blood Wing fame (chortle), is moving into a new house that his brother used to own but disappeared in under mysterious circumstances. As the movie progresses, you'll see why this is pretty normal, as he is seen in different countries looking for different exotic pleasures. This catches the attention of Larry's second wife, Julia played by Clare Higgins. 

Julia is a special case, in that he doesn't really care much about Larry, and seems far more interest in his brother, Frank, played by Sean Chapman. Julia is constantly brushing Larry off and showing that she has far stronger feelings for Frank, even going so far as to have a close encounter with him around the time she got married to his brother! Her depravity becomes very apparent when she finds out Frank was captured, tortured by cenobites and now his very bare remains have come back to life in the basement. Thanks to an injury Larry had involving blood, now Frank is back and he needs more blood. 

Julia not only gives him blood, but she hits on guys and brings him entire bodies! She even freshly kills them for him! All the while, Kristy, played by Ashley Laurence, is growing suspicious of Julia's odd behavior as of late. It doesn't take long for her to uncover that she's led many men to their deaths and made Frank into just one layer short of having full on skin. Finding out about all of this, she takes the strange box that he seems to want to protect and she runs! 

Kristy, having passed out in the street, opens the box and we get one of the best horror movie moments in history. Only Hellbound: Hellraiser 2 was able to match it, but even then, this one is better. The lead cenobite, also known as Pinhead, is played by Doug Bradley, who would go on to play the role in over ten films and he even did it for some commercials. After she agrees to bring them Frank, the movie takes a much darker turn when it's apparent they killed Larry to give Frank his skin. 

The deaths in this film are disgusting but also very fantastically done in practical effects. In fact, the make-up artists in this movie deserve every single award they ever won. Even the cheap computer effects are legendary because it's widely known that Clive Barker did them in his home with a friend over a single weekend. That's how much passion and love was put into this film. Even the final scene where the hobo turns into a gargoyle was cheesily but very well done. 

This movie captured the hearts of millions and it was a breakout success. Sadly, though, after the first two movies, this franchise takes a gigantic dip. Will I review all of them? Probably. Just remember, don't disrespect Clive Barker and tell him any other Hellraiser is better, or he'll tear your soul apart!

Freddy vs Jason - Whoever Wins, We're Dead

 

This movie had a very, very diluted history with the words "Production Hell" ringing out throughout the entire duration of its attempted creation. The problem was, at first, that New Lines Cinema and Paramount, the owners of Freddy and Jason respectively, could not come to an agreement on the script. Well, even when New Lines finally bought Jason from Paramount, this was still a problem. Even when they owned both of the toys, they wouldn't let the little kid make them do battle! 

It was messy, especially when New Nightmare (which will be reviewed in due course) and Jason X made this movie delay and delay and delay. Well, finally, after all of the posturing with Freddy's claws at the end of Jason Goes to Hell and then the super charged energy of the fans when it was finally announced, in 2003, we finally got our battle. 

Was it worth it? Yes. Was it perfect? No. It did, however, get the story right. We get Freddy himself, Robert Englund telling us how he was such a terrible scourge on the Earth until he was forgotten. So he employs and ressurects Jason, somehow turning into his mother and getting him ramped up as she tells him to kill the naughty children at Crystal Lake. How they actually got the two of them as a duo of sorts, one in the real world while Freddy gained power in the dream world through Jason's kills and people panicking, it was all very well crafted. 

What wasn't so well crafted was some of the execution. Some of it. Jason's first kill in the movie is just as aggressive and horrifying as it needed to be. Stabbing a guy through, all the way through his bed cushion, SEVERAL TIMES, and then lifting both sides of the mattress, breaking him in half! This was a monumental return to form for Jason. With the humorous entrance of the police officer, the scene ends gloriously. This, however, is when the movie kind of takes liberties with both Jason's random kills and Freddy taking advantage of even the slightest mention of his name. 

It doesn't get too far fetched, but the story takes shortcuts. Some of them needed, others not so much. The good news, though, is that we don't outright HATE all of the characters. Their acting isn't really terrible, but it isn't great either. Jason Ritter is probably the real standout when it comes to acting. The leading lady, Monica Keena, however, doesn't have the same charm. None of them really do, but it's not offputting, it's horror acting. If you're in it for the Shakespearian ensemble, you're in the wrong genre. 

Still, after some poised storytelling through choppy means of getting Jason into the dreamworld, we finally get our first bout. That's right, there are multiple times that the two collide, which is a massive point in the movie's favor. This is what we came here for and Ronny Yu understood that to a T. What he didn't understand is that Kane Hodder should have been Jason, not Jason's stunt man for that one other movie, Ken Kerzinger. He didn't do a bad looking Jason, but Kane was built up for this one movie and then Englund was out. That was one major flaw this movie just could not cover up. 

The fight, however, is awesome! The first one taking part in a dream meant that Freddy had full advantage, though, so it wasn't really what one would call this movie's real highlight. They still have fun with it and Freddy gets his chucks in, you know, before one of the children pulls him into the real world. And in a burning building at Camp Crystal Lake, the second and final bout takes place! This one is the real kicker because Freddy gets knocked around hardcore! 

Krueger does get his hits in, though, and not just with his claws. He uses air tanks as torpedoes that smash into Jason, he uses Jason's machete against him, but he's also coming apart as the seams as the fight goes on. The blood, the gore, and the killing of the teenagers in between fighting just makes this a very fun ride. The real problem here is when the teenagers interfere with the battle and Keena... she is not a good actress and that really hurts these scenes. She can't scream talk effectively and she comes off as annoying rather than properly dramatic. 

Credit where it's due, though, the fire blast of gasoline that blows both Freddy and Jason across the lake was fantastic! The final scenes of the fight are just no-holds-barred and both of them are in serious dire straights, as they've both taken some serious damage. The fight ends, spoiler to no one's surprise, in more of a draw than anything. You know you have a draw when you have fans of both properties at war with who actually won. That's the staple of Ronny Yu's success, both financially and doing right by the fans. If you're a fan of both these powerhouses, this movie is for you. It marries the two properties together with style and grace and we thank them for it. Bloody Good!